


MAD SHREK: ONION ROAD

by princessfart



Category: Mad Max Series (Movies), Shrek Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Crossover, Other, dont take this seriously pls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:19:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessfart/pseuds/princessfart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shrek Rockatansky, the Swamp Warrior, finds himself helping Imperator Fiona down the Onion Road!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DOWN THE ONION ROAD

**Author's Note:**

> I´M SO SORRY

The universe outside is cold and terrifying, the stars shine down like cold embers on the warm sand down below, the night falls as the end announces it´s beginning.

On the distance: a shadow, staring down at the last reminders of humanity, his world was fire, chaos and onions.

The sounds behind him could only mean one thing: those assholes had found him.

Mad Shrek, the Phantom Warrior, got on his old broken machine, which he loved dearly and played the greatest hit of his times “All Star”.

 

Sadly, he did not outrun the warboys, and they got him, so Mad Shrek, the Swamp Warrior, ran around in the GREAT FORT, trying the avoid the great force of the warboys, he actually had no idea about his location, he had them once in his back trying to murder him,so the warboys seemed pretty much out of their senses, he thought about his Swamp, which he lost when the war began and he had to change up the comfortable phantom lifestyle....he wonders what made the warboys like this.

Shrek manages to run away from them onto the edge of a cliff, where he looks up on the big rock thingy in front of him and sees the top of it: a bunch of grass and flowers, and maybe even a swamp! His heart races with memories of simpler times, a lonely forest, swamp and mud all around, the green from the trees, the smell of fresh mud on his body...as the warboys tried to drown him in the mud, he closed his eyes.

When Shrek opens his eyes again, he was plugged in to something, struggling , he fought with his big green body, wanting to escape this hellhole of shouting men, he tried to scream but he realized his mouth was behind a muzzle.

Beneath him, a donkey and a man with a long nose and a pointy hat struggled over a steering wheel.

"But Donkey, yOU CAN´T GO BACK TO THE ONION ROAD! I AM READY TO BECOME A DRIVER! DADDY PROMISED US VALHALLA AND HE SHALL WITNESS ME AS I RISE"

“Haha! But look at me, arsehat, i am plugged in into AN OGRE with INSANE BLOOD, i am READY TO FIND THE IMPERATOR DOWN ON THE ONION ROAD ” said the Donkey, Shrek realized he was hooked up to him, down the tube that connected them flowed the green smelly blood of the ogre, full of anger and thirst for revenge, around Shrek, there was chaos.

But....The onion road, it sounded like home to him, maybe a shoot at peace.

Meanwhile, the talking donkey he was plugged it to headbutted  the warboy with the long nose and the pointy hat, the warboy stood up and fought back, but Donkey punched him straight in the jaw.

“WITNEEEEEEEESS, DONKEY IS OFF THE ROAD DOWN TO VALHALLA, MAYBE YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE BUT....”  
“I´M GONNA DIE HISTORIC ON THE ONION ROAD!” Donkey replied, as decided as any other talking warboy donkey in history had done before him.

Shrek didn´t understand what was happening around, warboys were running around with steeling wheels with skulls on them, actually, there were a lot of skulls around him! The warboys started shouting and throwing their hands up into the sky “VALHALLA!!!!!! VALHALLA!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Shrek thought this was a Led Zeppelin fan club really, but he continued to be muzzled and losing his blood, Donkey´s assistant chained him up in front of a car (Shrek saw the broken old machine among the many broken old cars, where did they even get fuel for this many cars? shrek thought, he could not speak, since he was muzzled!)

Donkey started up the car, and down they went into the onion road!


	2. Imperator Fiona.

Imperator Fiona looked down the road from her side mirror, she had steered the wheel so many times, towards gasoline city, but it was a while since she last went to the east.

She was sure they might be behind her now, the only option was going faster, fear was not going to stop her, it only fueled her forward, thinking about all the things the girls might have experienced in the hands of Inmortan Faarsquad, how strong those girls were to face hima nd run away, they risked it all for a shoot at a promise of the unknown.

 

The wives were in the truck of War Big, she lied to her men, she lied to Inmortan and could not even fantom to think about what would be the consecuences, but she was going to do this: this was their escape.

 

She heard them from the distance and went even faster.

Sure, they were behind her, on the onion road, thousands of war boys, in the cars, screaming V8! V8!, Inmortan Faarsquad was probably among them, coming up to pick their things, but she knew better, the Onion. road was already part of her ogre blood.

 

She did the best, and a sandstorm carried them through, onto the green place.

 

__________________________________________

 

Shrek shut down his eyes to protect himself from the sandstorm, Donkey was clearly out of his senses, and therefore they had struggled into a bloody battle minutes before this all started, at least Shrek was now free, the ugly helmet that was strapped up unto his face was impossible, so he covered up when they went inside the sandstorm and focused up on one thing: surviving this whole mess.

 

When he woke up, Donkey was laying on the sand, he tried to pull out the IV that kept them together but it was damn near impossible, he even considered shooting Donkey´s feet off, but he couldn´t bring himself to do it.

 

He carried Donkey through the sandy, hot hell that was the onion road, when suddenly in the distance he saw, a vision in beauty and hope.

 

The war rig and a bunch of girls were washing themselves, however, the highlight of all of it was that one of them was holding a bolt cutter, and also: water.

 

The bolt cutter was exactly what he needed, so he gut his gun out, trying to scare them off and give it to them.

 

That was when somebody punched the everloving fuck out of him, 

 

Shrek could not think clearly, all he could see was a furious fist up against his face, he had a struggle fighting back, these were amazing skills used against him.

 

Then Donkey stood up, and joined in the fight.

 

The mysterious green woman with a metal arm, the donkey war boy and Shrek found themselves kicking and punching with as much strenght as they could, until they pulled away, Donkey pulled the chain which meant Shrek went backwards, and then mysteryus badass lady could kick him, it ended with Shrek´s gun in the ladies head and Donkey all excited with the bolt cutter

“SO SHINY! SO CHROME”  
“THAT´S MY JACKET” Shrek said as he turned around to shoot his gun towards the girl that was trying to get into the rig.

Then he punched Donkey and got his jacket back.

 

Shrek grunted as he drove away in the war rig.

 


End file.
